Showing posts from February, 2015

What It Takes To Make Me Wash Floors

Okay, done pouting here.  All grown up.  No problem.

Here, my friends, is the latest puzzle:

We came home mid-afternoon on Monday, one of the REALLY COLD days, to find the front steps and porch covered with the poop you see above. COVERED.  I posted this photo on my personal Facebook page to see if any locals knew what animals had been trying to invade my home, but no one could figure it out.  People suggested everything from bats (which I ruled out because it was midday and ohmygodjustno), geese (nope, wrong shape), squirrels (nope, wrong shape again).  What struck me was the fact that I actually knew what all this different animal poop looks like.  As if I were some sort of animal life expert who cares about this sort of thing.

But I'm not.  The ability to identify different rodent scat at 20 paces has never been on my bucket list of skills to acquire before I die.

Anyway, I had to use a snow shovel to remove all the poop.  It would have been more efficient to use the hose, only …

Comparison Test

Well, I've been putting this off - to the extent that I spent my free time this afternoon collating all my posts about marriage under that tab up there at the top, instead of writing a new post.  But now it is time to announce that I have once again not been chosen for the cast of our local Listen To Your Mother.  I did merit my very own rejection letter this year (a REALLY NICE one), instead of the group email.  That's progress, right?

So I spent Saturday resigning myself to my rejectee status, reminding myself that it's not a big deal and that going on stage isn't really a good idea for me, anyway.  I was successful to the point of being able to look at the LTYM cast member announcement (you know, the one without my name in it) on Sunday.  "I'm mature," I told myself.  "I can handle it." And I was doing pretty well, until I realized that I knew, personally, one of the Chosen.  Oh, not very well, but we have a lot of mutual friends/acquaintance…

There's No Business Like Show Business

I went to my friend's annual Oscar party and came home a winner! That's right, folks - out of 24 award categories, I guessed 15 correctly.

15! I've come a long way from my days of know-nothingness, as far as current movies are concerned. Although, come to think of it, I had only seen one of the Best Picture nominees. I guess I am thoroughly in tune with the cultural zeitgeist, as it were; or maybe I am just on the Internet too much?

No matter! I came home with a tiara and a statuette and a bag full of candy. Did Julianne Moore get candy?  I think not.

Back In The Saddle

For any newbies out there, let me explain: back in 2008, I started cleaning out my refrigerator and posting the contents on this blog for the sole purpose of making everyone else in the world feel better about their own housekeeping abilities.  I consider it to be a sort of community service.  I am, if you will, the Melinda Gates of refrigerator philanthropy.

Well, I've been slacking off for a while, but today I did it - I cleaned out my fridge.  And I have the photos to prove it:

Above are the primary culprits.  From the left!

1. Broccoli - These forgotten veggies are the innocent victims of my February vow to eat something green every day. They bear silent witness to the futility of all human aspirations.

2. A completely empty pickle jar - this is in keeping with what is apparently my children's motto: Why recycle something when you can just shove it back into the refrigerator instead? Or their other motto: Mom will do it.  Leave it for her.

3. A jar of Kirkland-brand salsa…

Like A Flu Shot, Only More Superstitious

There's been a 2-liter bottle of 7-UP sitting on my counter for almost 2 months now. Someone opened it at our New Year's party and drank a little, so it is rather flat by this time and not really appealing.  Every time I clean off the counters (oh, about bazillion times a day), I think how nice it would be to just pour the contents of the bottle down the sink and recycle the container.  But I won't.

Why?  Well, thus far this winter, our family has been fairly illness-free.  Oh, there's been a sore throat here or there, or one day of some generic fever, but that is it. And as our healthy weeks have stretched into months, I have become convinced that the minute I discard this flat, good-for-ailing-tummies soda, the kids (or, worse, Larry and I) will come down with the dreadful stomach flu that seems (if my Facebook feed is to be believed) to have been hitting everyone else this winter.

So there you have it - the family talisman. I'm not touching it.


I was busy working on my LTYM audition piece last week, so I wasn't around here much. I listened to the people who thought I should use the Playing With Scissors post, and I spent a bunch of time crafting a meaningful ending to it, because it seemed (from last year's show) that the LTYM people liked the posts to have some sort of meaning to them, rather than their just being funny.  At least, I assumed that that was why they weren't interested in my perfectly NOT meaningful but at least somewhat amusing essay about my grown son leaving the toilet seat up.

Anyway, so I fleshed out Playing With Scissors and then tacked what I thought to be a few paragraphs of meaning onto the end of it, and off I went.  I wasn't even nervous this year.  Maybe because I knew I was walking in there with a post full of meaning.  I don't know.

So I read my piece pretty well and they said, "We really like it, except for that last part."   I must have had a look on my face that s…

A Cry For Help

Okay, I need a little advice here. No, it's not about home decorating or purses this time.  I swear, I keep asking for help from you all - I should change the name of this blog to Do The Thinking For Me.

So! When I auditioned for LTYM last year, I read a version of this post for my try out.  This year's audition is coming up on Sunday, and I can't decide which post to use as a basis for the audition. The problem is, I really just want to read the toilet seat piece from last year again, but I don't think that is a good idea, seeing as how they didn't like it enough the first time.

Here's where you, my faithful reader or two, come in - do you have any favorites that you think would be fun to hear from the stage? Keep in mind that it has to be something that can benefit from being read aloud.  So, uh, fridge posts? Will not work.  And, it has to have something to do with parenting - so I guess the menopause posts are out, also.

Well! That knocks off about half of…

Bag Lady

There's something I have been hiding from you folks, but now is the time to come clean.  You see, I've developed an almost unhealthy obsession with a certain Merona hobo bag available at Target.  It started innocently enough last spring, when I decided it was time to get rid of the brown pleather bag that I had bought for 10 dollars at the thrift store.  It was starting to crack and look distinctly non-leathery, so I headed for Target to check out the hobo bags available there.

Incidentally, I've been attached to the hobo style for years.  It's the only kind of purse that is not only large enough to hold everything I need to tote around but also allows me to rummage through it without having to take the bag off my shoulder. And the handle isn't so long that it doesn't hang too low on my short self.

So! The girls accompanied me on this purse-finding mission to Target.  We found a lovely, soft-green hobo bag there, a perfect bag to announce the coming of spring. …

Coming Events

I have so many things to talk about: my new purse, how awesome red couches look against a Lenox Tan wall, the difficulties inherent in choosing new patio doors - but they all require pictures, and I am not allowed to recharge my IPad until tonight.

I was also surveying my refrigerator tonight and thinking that a fridge post is in order.  It's just crazy in there.  And I need to tell you about my most recent fave buy from Costco (again, I need pictures). AND I have dedicated this weekend to cleaning up my bedroom enough to allow me to call a plumber to fix the master bath sink.

That's right, folks - that sink still doesn't drain.  And due to Larry's passive-aggressive pre-party ministrations in that area, we've been living with the vanity emptied and tools scattered around the bathroom floor, testament to the futility of DIY around here.  In other words, we are still approaching our plumbing problems in the most stupid and inefficient manner possible.  It's a ta…

Decorating Help Needed

Our handyman just left, but only after telling me to sand the stair railings in preparation for painting them.  Tell me, do I look like I know how to do that?

Our home looks marvelous (or, rather, it will look marvelous once we put the furniture back in the dining room and Larry lets me buy the IKEA leather sectional I've been eyeing).  If we were smart, we would sell this house NOW, before we manage to destroy it again.  But we won't do that, because selling our home would mean having to clean out our mess of a utility room, a task far beyond any human being's capabilities at this point.
And considering that buying new slipcovers for our Ektorp sofa and armchairs would cost all of about $160, I'm betting that Larry isn't going to agree to splurge on a new sectional sofa that costs $1500.  I can't think of ANYTHING we've spent that much money on in this house.
No, not even my yarn collection...
The trouble is, IKEA discontinued the Tullinge Lilac  Ektorp s…


Day 3 of the Eat Green Things challenge, and I am still going strong.  Look!

There it is - a bowl full of healthy kale and cabbage bits.  Drowned in lots of dressing for improved palatability, of course.  It takes a LOT of chewing, though.  I imagine this is how cows feel.

You could have seen this same picture even sooner, if you had just LIKED this blog's Facebook page.  Meredith of Whynot Pottery saw it before any of you, and she also left a very witty comment there.  Go! Read it! LIKE the page, while you're at it!

Shameless huckstering - it's what's for dinner.

In other news, the main floor received its second coat of paint today.  The color looks marvelous.  Do you know why it looks marvelous?  It looks marvelous because I copied it from a neighbor's house.

You see, I have learned my lesson from our recent bathroom paint fiasco.  I will never, ever attempt to select paint from a paint chip again.  Instead, I will only choose a paint color that I have already se…

Pajamas - More Useful Than You Think

Well, I finally got my act together and got those books back to the library.  It cost me 40 bucks, but my account is unblocked and I am a respectable citizen again.  Or I will be, once I return the 6th Harry Potter audiobook that is in my car.  Hey, we're still listening to it, all right?

It got cold here today.  You see, it couldn't be cold yesterday and give us snow instead of torrential rain.  It has to wait until the rain stops, see, and then it gets cold.  That's how winter works around here.

20 years I've been here, and I still can't accept it. I just can't.

In other news, Larry realized that the more we insulate the main floor, the colder our bedroom is going to become.  Because we have a three-story townhouse with exactly ONE thermostat.  A new thermostat, yes, but still - there's only one.  So now that the main floor will stay cozily warm. due to Larry's mad insulating skills, the furnace won't click on as often, because it has no way of kn…

Be It Hereby Resolved - February Edition

I can't believe it is February.  My favorite month of the year is over, the month of fresh starts and snow (if we're lucky) and just generally hunkering down and not running around like crazy.  From here on out, the year just passes by faster and faster and faster.  In my mind, if it is February 1, 2015, then 2016 is just around the corner.  I could weep.

There is some business to be taken care of, however.  January Resolutions - remember those?  I announced I would be in bed (not asleep, but in bed with a book - no electronic devices) EVERY NIGHT by 11.  Let's just say that I made it most nights.  There were 4 or 5 where I cheated a bit, and one where I outright said the hell with it (I think that was a Saturday when I still had some charge left on my IPad, and I wasn't going to go to sleep until I used it up).  Still, that means that for 25 days or so, I went to bed at a reasonable hour, instead of at 1:30 AM.

Progress, folks, progress.  I am going to try to keep it …