Showing posts from January, 2008

Cinderella Story

Miss me? I fell asleep at 7:30 with the toddler last night. I woke up at 10:30 when Larry came to bed, and I started crying and saying I had to get up. "That's okay, honey," he said. "I finished the kitchen clean-up; you can just go back to sleep." (Yes, he is nice.)

"You don't understand," I sobbed. "I had 4 points left to eat today. That's 2 Twix bars. I have to get up and eat them now, before the points go away."

"Let me get this straight," said Larry. "At midnight, the Twix bars turn into a pumpkin?"

Essentially, yes. They did. Because I was too tired (from starvation, maybe?) to get out of bed and unwrap their wonderful deliciousness and consume them. Damn. And I missed Knit Night, also.

I'm trying to break Rachel of her complaining habit, or at least get her to complain in a voice that is not high-pitched and whiny. She was kvetching nonstop at breakfast this morning (reason? we were having raisi…

Weigh-In? What Weigh-In?

So, I weighed in today, and somehow I managed to gain 2 pounds this week. While starving to death. Personally? I feel that the woman at the desk was jealous at how the pounds are just slipping off me and fudged the figures....either that, or the scale is off. But what do I care? I don't need no stinkin' weight loss. Round can be cute, so the hell with it.

What? Why, yes, I did have some chocolate when I came home. How did you know? And I just may have a little more, right now. It's okay so long as I write it down, right?

Larry came home, ate dinner, and took David to Cub Scouts. At some point this evening I may get a chance to speak with him, but it will probably be one of those conversations where I end up pointing out the zillion and one things we need to do around the house this weekend. He loves that.

The children started talking at dinner about our having another baby, and I explained to them that I am probably too old to have any more. Rachel agreed, saying…

Children? I Don't Hear Any Children...

Larry (aka Mr. Security) has managed to load enough "protection" onto our new computer to make it almost as slow as the behemoth I was typing away on previously. You'd think, if he really wanted me to spend less time on this thing, that he would see the error of his ways, wouldn't you? Alas, I'm once again stuck watching pages load at a glacial pace; but virus-free, of course. And on a bigger screen.

As I type, Brian is indulging in one of those irritating, drawn-out whines that make the sound of fingernails on a blackboard pleasant by comparison. I cannot see the use of whining, evolutionarily speaking. It most definitely doesn't encourage the continuation of the species. Perhaps my children are a Darwinian dead end.

Dear Lord, don't let me kill him.

In other, more pleasant, child-related news, Lego's are 50 years old today. I heard on the news this evening that there are enough Lego bricks for each person on Earth to have 62 of them apiece. So…

Sex and Taxes

Aaah - I just filed our state and federal taxes.


Pretty amazing, huh? I think so. Of course, our fat refund is enough of an incentive to be proactive about filing. Gotta love that child tax credit, you know. Gosh, with all these kids, we're practically making money. Maybe we had better go have some more...

I cleaned the house and caught up on laundry this morning while Larry and the children were at church (major advantage to agreeing to raise the kids in your spouse's religion, not yours), all so I could escape to our annual Yoga Center luncheon this afternoon. It was a treat to enjoy a meal on a non-vinyl tablecloth with glassware that wasn't plastic; and no one there whined the entire time. The food was terrific, unlike the slop that I dish out day after day, week after week, good, in fact, that I spent the rest of the week's Weight Watcher points on it. Which is unfortunate, because I would really like to eat something tomorrow.

I did weigh-in at 2 …

Just The Facts, Ma'am...

What's worse than being pulled over by a policeman? Being pulled over by a policeman with 3 impressionable children in the car....

"Mommy, why are we sitting here?"
"That policeman behind us wants to talk to me, honey."
"Why, Mommy?"
"I don't know, sweetie." (And really, I didn't.)
"Well, why is he just sitting in his car?"
"He's checking our license plate and making sure the car isn't stolen."
"Our car is stolen?"
"No! No, honey, it isn't. He's just making sure."
"Mommy, are you going to go to jail?"

Turns out I had rolled through a stop sign (barely, okay? I all but did a complete stop, dammit) waaay back, and then I was so busy explaining to my kids the difference between a limo and a hearse (don't ask) that I didn't see the police car following me with his lights flashing. Duh. When I finally spotted him, I pulled over thinking he needed to pass me. That's …

Movies, Mice, and Miscellany

The movie The Spirit of the Beehive was recommended to me by Netflix because I "enjoyed Annie Hall and Modern Times." Here is the description:

"In this mesmerizing allegorical tale set in post-Civil War Spain, precocious young Ana ... becomes obsessed with finding the spirit of Frankenstein's monster after watching director James Whale's 1931 classic. When she happens upon a wounded military deserter, Ana believes that she's evoked the cinematic creature."

Yeah, that just shouts Woody Allen and Charlie Chaplin, doesn't it?

A neighbor just called because she and her husband are hearing what they assume are squirrels in their attic. The question is, Why did they call me? I mean, do we look like Rodent Central over here? Anyway, I explained to her that we don't do squirrels, we do mice (everyone specializes these days, you know) and I gave her the number of the neighbor who owns his very own squirrel trap (the humane kind). I like to be helpful…

I Don't Think So....

I'm okay. Really I am. Just remind me not to try having a meaningful conversation with my teenage daughter ever again. It's too frightening.

My best friend took her daughter and another girl to see Juno. My friend told me that the 2 girls were puzzled that the stepmom didn't just raise the teen's baby (please note: this option wasn't even discussed in the movie), along with her own 5-year-old (Juno's half-sister). I said I was sure that Anna didn't see it that way. Anna walked into the room just then, so I said, "Anna - did you think Juno's stepmom should have offered to raise the baby?"

Anna immediately said, "Oh, yes!" And then, seeing my own shocked look and my friend dying of laughter behind me, she added, "I mean, [and right here she did this weird little forward-and-back hair flip thing that teen girls do] if I had a baby, you would raise it."

Obviously, there are a few things I need to make clear to her. But not…

Conversation Pieces

Heavens, I was a tad giddy yesterday, wasn't I? All the excitement (and blood loss) must have gone to my head.

The little girls are doing their best today to stay within a 6-inch radius of my body. They are currently hanging on my arms, climbing on my computer chair, and talking non-stop. I hope I don't hurt them.

Latest conversation between my concerned husband and me:

Me: "Diesel says that we should buy the warranty with the new computer."
Him: "Who?"
Me: "Diesel - he's a software guy who has a humor blog."
Him: "You mean, he is someone with a blog who says he's a software guy. He could be some 18-year-old loser. Or someone's dog that knows how to type."
Me: "I didn't know dogs could be funny...."

Oh, and I finally had a cute conversation with my 5-year-old, just like the rest of the mommy bloggers seem to have every single day:

Me: "You know, you are really, really smart. You can be anything you want to be…

Fabulous Prizes!

I am just full of blogosphere news today. Ready? Here goes.

Firstly, I am proud to announce that, at the urging of Manic Mommy and with the added incentive of the prizes she is offering, I donated blood today for the first time in my life. And it didn't even hurt. And I got out of the house for 2 hours without the kids for a legitimate reason (as opposed to just wandering around Target or the local bookstore). If you'd like to know more about Manic Mommy and her blood donor drive (and trust me, she is truly obsessed about this cause) check out her blog. Manic Mommy, a picture of my bandaged arm is coming your way (as soon as I figure out how to do that).

Secondly, I have come into my 15 minutes of fame; I am the Housewife of the Week over at All I had to do to win was to tell MommaSaid why my week was the worst ever. As anyone who follows this blog knows, I am an expert at whining; and now I have tangible proof. The write-up for the award (hee, hee, I …

Heaven, I'm In Heaven....

I had grand plans for this blog today; but first Larry had to hook up the new CPU and install all the virus software and then sit at the keyboard muttering "Crap" to himself periodically for hours and hours and hours. And now I've forgotten what I had wanted to write. I'm sure it was brilliant, too.

So instead let me sing the praises of a large computer screen, one big enough that I don't have to constantly scroll down to read a single paragraph; and also the praises of an up-to-date computer mouse with that little roll thingie on top, so that when I do have to scroll down, I don't have to go click-click-click-click forever. And best of all, let me extol the virtues of a computer with enough power that I can click on 2 pages in succession without freezing the whole thing up for 15 minutes.

Yes, we've been roughing it here with our antiquated 2001 computer; but it was almost worth it so that we could appreciate what everyone else takes for granted - the a…

Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me

I've been tagged! Here are 6 inconsequential facts about myself (or a me, me, me meme) (as ordered by Fannie Mae) (Fannie Mae, by the way, is one blogger who knows how infuriating a teenager can be).

That's easy! Everything about me is inconsequential.

1. I always feel as though I am getting away with something because no one is making me get up and go to work in the mornings....I mean, how cool is that?
2. I think Lysol Wipes are the greatest invention since sliced bread.
3. I used to be in the Navy, and I really miss having a uniform. I liked always knowing what to wear.
4. I majored in History in college, and therefore I was completely unemployable when I graduated. In fact, I had one prospective employer call me long-distance (back when such things as "long-distance" mattered) just to tell me that he had received my resume and that history majors were a dime-a-dozen. I don't know why he bothered to do that. Maybe he was having a bad day and needed company…

Spending Spree

I had a nightmare last night, all about a pair of giant rats (that could talk) that were chasing me and trying to bite me...I really do seem to have rodents on the brain these days. I woke up terrified. If I had heard those stupid mice scrabbling in the wall at that point, I probably would have jumped out the window.

Something about Larry being away makes me want to spend money online. Not much, just a few books at Amazon say, and maybe a set or two of bamboo needles and some yarn at Knitpicks, and after that maybe I'll mosey on over to some homeschooling sites and pick out fun learning tools we don't really need.....just a little something each night to help me forget that I am stuck here with 6 kids, 2 of whom are teenagers who will never, ever be as boring or pathetic as I am.

My credit card doesn't leave me alone with the kids. My credit card loves me....

Of course, the most important news around here is that it is finally snowing - so the kids had a great time outsid…

Giant Mice! Missing Husbands! Prehistoric Computers!

Apparently, things could be worse on the rodent-infestation front, from what I read in this news piece - at least the ones in our house are a manageable size. And an added bonus: I haven't come downstairs in the morning to find a mouse sitting on my kitchen counter, the way my neighbor did yesterday. So, really, I have nothing to complain about.

Let me say something nice about my teenage daughter Anna (for once). She has magnificent hair. Utterly stunning, streaked with varying shades of gold and brown and thick and wavy as a lion's mane. It is hair to die for. Hair that women spend hundreds of dollars trying to imitate. So, naturally, she spent the better part of last year trying to straighten it so it would hang limp and flat against the sides of her head.

I am happy to report that she has given up this lost cause and has instead turned to the myriad hair products out there that accentuate the curl while damping down any unattractive frizz. In fact, we haven't a…

This And That, But Not Much

I lost 2 and a half pounds this week. Which means, that I can sit down to the computer to type without having to unsnap my pants. In my mind, that's progress.

My husband has left me for the week, and he forgot to take our resident rodents with him. He's coming back Friday evening so that we can spend a pleasant weekend watching him get over jet lag. Or, rather, the kids can. I'm outta here.

Susie can now say, "I need to poop, please give me a diaper." This amazing ability to articulate her toileting needs makes me suspect that there is no reason why she shouldn't be using the potty. Except she refuses to. She also refuses to stay in her bed all evening. She's on a little power trip that should only last, oh, 16 more years. There's nothing like being the baby of the family.

No funnies here tonight, I guess. Just wanted to say hi, and thank all the people who have been stopping by. Y'all come on back now, you hear? And in the meantime, stop …

All About David

David - let's talk about David, shall we? He is rarely featured in this blog, because he keeps a fairly low profile. Obsessed with all things aeronautical, he spends his days quietly reading books on space flight, making paper airplanes by the dozen, and attempting to construct space stations out of tinfoil and craft sticks. A sweet child, a quiet boy, if a little weird.

But he's a packrat. Now I know a lot of you are going to comment and say that your kid has a lot of junk in his room, too - but we are talking a qualitatively different level of packrat-ness here. As in, today I had to go through his drawers and closet and throw out burst balloons that he had gotten from the dentist; broken toys, the pieces of which he had dug out of the garbage when I wasn't looking; innumerable squashed paper airplanes; broken pencils.....2 trash bags full, and I barely made a dent. And now he is mad at me. Even though I didn't touch his space station models, his oatmeal-cont…

Wherein We Are Still Sick And Still Have Mice

Okay, so after another sleepless night spent with a coughing child, I staggered out of bed (out of couch, really) and showered and got dressed up. Why? Because I finally had a doctor's appointment for Rachel. Yes, the exciting day had arrived, and I wanted to be prepared.

Let's face it - when the doctors see short, slightly rotund me come in dressed in unstylish jeans, they peg me as a SAHM frump. So I pulled on my power outfit (complete with 2-inch heels, which put me just over 5 feet) and Talbot's wool coat (8 dollars at a local rummage sale) and took Rachel to her appointment. I even combed my hair. And I left all the other kids home, because if the doctor realizes that I homeschool, well, I'm a double-frump.

Wouldn't you know, this is the first pediatrician appointment I've gone to in aeons where the doctor or nurse has not called me "Mom"? Coincidence? I think not. And, the triage nurse asked me if I needed a note for work. Me - as if I w…

Someone Here Hath Murdered Sleep

Well, I had The Talk with the kids tonight. All 6 of them. I sat them down and told them, "Remember - either be a doctor or marry one." That way, they won't have to watch one of their children cough her lungs out all night long, again, because they can't get their hands on any codeine cough syrup.

The doctor did prescribe some other cough medicine over the phone, some namby-pamby crap, and I told him, "It won't work. You may have 8 years of med school, but I have 16 years of raising children. Give me the good stuff." No dice.

My lord, I am so pissed off. I really feel sorry for whichever doctor we finally see tomorrow morning.

Am I crazy, or should a sick kid be able to see a doctor the same day that the kid is ill? I do have superpowers, but I am still not able to predict a day in advance that my child is going to be up all night coughing. I'm just not that good. I admit it.

And, in case you think I'm sounding a little insane, you're…

Patter of Little Feet

Well, my claim of victory over our resident rodents seems to have been a bit premature. As in, 2 nights ago, I was kept awake by the sound of a mouse scrabbling around in the wall right by my head. This was not a sleep-inducing experience. I woke Larry up, though I don't know what I expected him to do at that moment. So then we both lay awake and listened to the scrabbling, until the mouse suddenly fell and landed on the metal heating duct and ran along it to the other end of the house. Sweet dreams!

So, yesterday, Larry manfully deployed traps under the kitchen sink and in the attic above our bedroom. I elected to stay in the living room last night to keep Rachel company, who is sleeping sitting up to prevent coughing spells (because someone has to be sick around here, you know). I was woken up sometime past midnight by that damn mouse running along the heating duct in the ceiling above the couch. So I left Rachel to fend for herself and went upstairs to listen to traps …

More Pounds, Less Dollars

Regular readers know that I have a small issue with overdue library books and late fines; nothing I can't handle, just a bad habit that costs me 10-15 dollars a month. I'm okay with that.

And I knew I was facing a hefty fine today, as Christmas and New Year's had both landed on my regular library day this year (are they always exactly a week apart?).  I expected to pay as much as 30 or even 35 dollars, like I did the year we were all sick and couldn't make it to the library for a month.

But folks, today's fine was in the triple digits. I thought I'd die. To make matters worse, I hadn't gone to my usual branch (where someone may have pitied me and erased half of it).  No! I went elsewhere and got the strict German-lady librarian, who looked as if she wanted to fingerprint me. And then take my children away, so that they wouldn't have to be raised by a criminal.

It was a lot of money.

I didn't even have the comfort of coming home and treating myse…

Rachael Ray, Not!

I'd like to post, really I would. But considering it took me several minutes just to get to this page, it may not be a possibility. Not before midnight, anyway. This old set-up of ours is a tad temperamental. If I click on one browser tab and then change my mind and click on a second one before the first page loads, the computer gets annoyed and sort of freezes up and won't do anything. I guess it doesn't like it when I can't make up my mind. Or when I talk to it too much. You'd think we were married.

Even the keyboard is slower. It hates me.

I've been compensating for the less-than-pleasurable computer experiences by knitting more. Which activity is way more productive and doesn't make my husband worry about what I'm typing and who I'm "talking" to. I've started a pair of mittens (in the round) and a sweater (!) for Rachel. I don't really know what came over me, as I have never knit a sweater before. I didn't bother…

I'm Baaaack!

Kudos to Larry for managing to hook up our antiquated computer system to the Internet! Unfortunately, this gives him yet another piece of ammunition in our ongoing argument over the dubious value of hanging on to useless junk versus the virtues of travelling light, as it were. Be that as it may, I am definitely working on the horse-and-buggy version of our modern-day computers. As in, I'm surprised I don't have to keep pedalling something to keep this thing running. (But, you know, a set-up like that would not be a bad idea...)

Larry took our dead CPU to the Geek Squad for an autopsy, and the diagnosis was a defunct motherboard. Whew. I was afraid they'd tell him it had something to do with too much blogging. So now we're having a fun discussion of whether to replace the motherboard (mother bored?) or to buy a new computer with the money we had been saving towards my laptop (sob, sniff). Today was also the day that I got to pay over one hundred dollars to fix a p…


I'm blogging from a neighbor's house because my computer is brain-dead. I'm still in shock from the whole experience; yesterday everything was fine and it didn't freeze up even once and I had thought we were on the road to recovery. I only left for a few minutes to bathe the children; but when I came back, it was gone. I never even got to say good-bye. RIP, my friend, RIP.

And now I owe Larry big because he backed up all my word documents a few nights ago. Too bad he didn't know to back up the Christmas pictures. He did suggest that we wrap a bunch of boxes and stuff some candy canes in the stockings and re-enact Christmas morning for the camera; but I just don't think my heart is in it.

Well, I need to get out of my very kind neighbor's all will have to carry on without me...

Happy Anniversary To Me

Well, it's our anniversary (#17); and Larry's left me here with 4 kids and a greeting card and a pack of M&M's while he goes skiing with the big kids. Yet another reason to go to our neighborhood Best Buy and treat myself to a laptop, don't you think?

Of course, my husband is nobody's fool; he's taken my babysitters with him. Foiled, again.

I am beginning to realize that Larry purposely left me with the expiring-computer-mouse condition. Think about it: the computer works for 15 minutes, then the mouse dies, leaving me no choice but to shut the whole thing off. And get up and do something useful around here. I feel manipulated.

My toddler has an endearing habit of climbing up behind me on my computer chair and keeping me company while I type. Which is fine, unless she suddenly slips off, all the while maintaining her kung-fu grip on my hair. Ouch.

I'm in the mood for short paragraphs tonight. Can you tell?

I haven't cooked in 3 days. Instead, I…

Hooray, It's Not The Holidays Anymore!

I'm feeding the kids party leftovers all day. They love me. I should do this all the time. Before lunch, we played Christmas Bingo and whoever won got a Christmas cookie. I need to get all the junk food out of the house before the good times come to a crashing halt this Monday with my first official weigh-in. I hate dieting, but I also hate not being able to breathe with my jeans snapped.

I wasn't going to post a New Year's resolution; but last night, while I was having panic attacks over the fact that our computer had frozen up and realizing that I might not be able to access all the articles I've written, ever again (mostly homeschooling crap - not for general consumption), articles that I sometimes manage to sell for genuine legal tender (not much, but enough to buy myself some clothes without feeling as though I am taking food out of my children's mouths)...

Where was I? Oh, yes, last night I made my resolution: back everything up on an external drive. Cons…

Do Not Ask For Whom the Ball Drops

I would like to hear a round of applause for my husband, who has indeed finished painting the main living area of our house in time for our party on New Year's Day. As predicted, we are hanging up those curtains with the paint barely dry; but they will be up! And Larry has piled on even more marriage points. He's winning, folks!

After Larry put away all the painting paraphernalia (sp?), we spent some not-so-quality time hanging up all the pictures that have been lying around since we moved. I do not recommend this stressful exercise in togetherness unless either your marriage is solid as a rock or you and your spouse are both far too broke to even consider splitting up. By the time we were finished, Larry was drinking and I had to go to a neighbor's house to calm down.

This evening we went to our first ever New Year's Eve party. The whole family was invited, so we figured, hey, why not? That way Larry and I could spend the afternoon fighting over interior decorati…